The Great Cucco Adventure
by mogy
Summary: It's a scary thing, being a cucco in the outside world. Follow a cucco while he discovers there is more to Hyrule than Lon Lon Ranch. Hopefully you'll get a chuckle out of it. (Disclaimer: We don't own anything Zelda)
1. Escape From Lon Lon Ranch

So here I am, wandering about in the fields of Lon Lon Ranch. That stupid Malon girl is singing again. I hate that song. Can't she sing something else? Can't she sing words? I mean c'mon, what's with her and that horse? Nobody ever sings a song for me, the noble cuckoo! I've had it here. Nobody cares about me! Everyday, that stupid horse runs me over, and ever Malon sings that stupid song, and everyday I wake up that lazy fat neglective father, and everyday I hobble to and fro pondering my existence! Everyday it starts the same! Good greif! That's it, I'm leaving!  
  
Okay, I've been hopping around for a while, trying to get out of this redundant milk farm, with only two cows.... Hey why the hell do they have so many horses?! They never go anywhere. They sit there and sing to them! They just wander around naying and ruining the grass. And people think cuckoos are useless. Jeez.Hey look, there is something shiny over there....  
  
Ha! That stupid girl left the gate open...she was probably thinking about that horse again...that can't be healthy. I'm free at last! Free at last! God almighty I'm free at last! Hooray! Hey, it's getting dark...really fast.... I've never been out of the ranch at night before. What the? Omigod! It's comming after me! Oh no! Help! What the hell is it? Why is it following me?! Woe is me! What's up with the outside world? Evil dead people just pop out of the ground? What's up with that? Oh no, another one! Ah! Poe!! Why is he on fire?! My tail!! Good Lord! It's on fire! Call the colnel! I'm fried! I've got an idea! Instead of running around, I'll fly over the river and run up those stairs to Korkorio Village. Here I go. Yes! I'm flying! No, wait, I'm falling, with style!  
  
-Splash- 


	2. Out of the River, into the Grave Yard

"Hey! Who are you? Wanna be friends? I've never seen another cuckoo in these parts before."  
  
All I can remeber is flying across the river to put out my tail, after Poe, who I THOUGHT was a nice guy, but turns out that he's no Casper, set my tail on fire. Now I am all covered in river muck, with this weird-ass chicken thing asking me questions.  
  
"Hey, I'm talking to you! How rude can a cuckoo get?!"  
  
Jeez. Where am I. I should ask that guy, but I'm not going to. He bugs me. Besides, Malon always says, don't to strange cuckoos, and this guy is really strange. But then again, when do I listen to her? Okay, I'll ask him.  
  
"Where am I?" I ask  
  
"You're down the river. Where are you going?" he asks.  
  
"Anywhere but Lon Lon Ranch." I answer him. "How do you get out of here?"  
  
"I dunno. If I knew that, do you think I would still be here?" He says sarcastically.  
  
"Fine. I'll go ask this guy over here...with the beans...sitting by the fence." I say.   
  
"Hey, guy with the beans!" I yell at him.  
  
"Wanna buy a magic bean? You have to buy them though. I don't trade anymore, since that stupid kid Jack traded for this stupid cow." He says, looking rather perturbed.  
  
"Can I eat them?" I ask. I am really hungry.   
  
"Eat them? No you can't eat them! They're MAGIC BEANS, you idiot!" he says angrily.  
  
"No, that's okay. If I can't eat them I don't wont buy them." I say, and hop into the river.  
-Spash-  
  
Hey, the sun is comming up now, and those skeleton things are gone. I am all wet. I am going up the stairs to that village now, I hope there are no horses there.   
  
**  
  
Ah...a nice new place to live. Look at that little fairy boy. Hey, hey, what is he doing? Get away from me little boy, get away! He's picking me up! Oh, I feel violated. Oh put me down!!!!!!! No! He is running off a cliff! What is he doing? Oh my! No, he jumped! It's up to me now! My he's heavy! I Must flap harder! Oh no! We're falling!   
  
-Thump-  
  
Ohhh....Why? Why did he do that? Now he is giving me to someone? I am not his to give. Oh crap, she looks angry.   
  
"This is not MY cuckoo!" she screamed.  
  
Now she is sneezing. She giving that fairy boy an evil eye. That's it. I'm gonna make a run for it. To the cemetry! I'm almost there! Yes! I'm safe. Whoo, that was hard. Now let's see what we've got. A creepy little kid is walking around pretending to be a grave keeper. Well that is a little strange. Omigod! That fairy boy is moving graves, what a sick-o! I'm gonna show him how to respect the dead! Stop that! Stop you weird fairy boy! STOP! Ahhhhhhhh!  
  
-Thump-  
  
Tell me this isn't happening. I fell into a grave.... Ewwwww! Yuck, this is disgusting! How am I supposed to get out. Woe is me! I think I am going to cry. ~sniffle~. What was that? That flapping! There's something in here! Keese! No! Ahhh! I can't believe this is happening! Jeez. Help....Ooh, this rainbow thing, it looks like some sort of transport....I think it is a transport! Yes! If a step on it then it should, I'm out! It worked! I was right! Oh! Who's a genius? I am! ~Yawn~ I need to sleep. Maybe that windmill.... 


	3. Cucco's Rage

~Yawn~ That was a nice nap. Hmm, I wonder what's with that guy with the grinder over there. I should go check it out.  
  
"Hey where's your monkey?" I ask, because he is playing a grinder.  
  
"I need no monkey! I am making art! Beautiful music! Now get away from me you stupid bird!" He says as he slaps me. That's it. I've had enough with these rude people! I must call upon my cucco allies! I will send mental messages to my cucco friends....Yes, they are comming....  
  
Ah ha! Here they come, crashing through the windows. We'll peck this guys eyes out! Muh, hahahahahaha! They all have filled the windmill! Yes we'll get him. Feathers have filled the air. Now there is no end to our cucco rage. Yes, yes! There's no getting away now! Some are beating him with their cucco judo, some are jeering at him with their cucco cackles! Oh, no! That Fairy Boy again! What, come to aid your fellow man? Ha! That is impossible! But, wait, no! His ocarina, he's playing it! What song is he playing? No! It's raining! Nooooo! Retreat! Retreat my fellow cuccos! He who pecks and runs away, lives to peck another day! No! don't look up! Don't look up! They're looking up!!!! No! Run!!!!!!!  
  
That was insane. We cuccos need rights too. Some R-E-S-P-E-C-T! But where? How?   
  
"Pssst, hey cucco. Want some respect? How 'bout you go to the castle?" A shrowded figure whispers from a dark corner.  
  
That's it! I'll go to the castle! I'll demand respect for all cuccos near and far! I must redirect my travels towards Princess Zelda's castle! 


	4. To The Market

Hopping down the stairs, hopping down the stairs. La dee dum, la la da. Going to the castle. Yeppers. Going to the castle. Jee, this is...long, with short cucco legs.... Wait, whats the rumbling, it's so, so familar, so odly familar. So...HORSES!!!!! It's that fairy boy again! What's up with that? He's on a horse! Now wait just a minute, that horse looks so familar...Epona?!?!?!?! I thought I was through with you! Why I oughta...I oughta...do something! Oh no! What if they've come to capture me! My whole journey to liberate the cucco race will be foiled! Oh no! He's not stopping...Hello, can't you see I'm right in front of you? Hello? Ahhhhh! Must run, run, run! That galloping is thundering in my little cucco ears, so that I cannot here my own heart beat...what am I talking about? Since when do I talk like that? Ow! My tail! That's it! I flutter up into the air turning to see this fairy boy face-to-face. My beady eyes turn red with rage. I can't help it, for it is the cucco's nature to become so infuriated. It is like time has stopped, as I go to peck at him and call upon my cucco friends once more, I see Lon Lon Ranch in the distance, and though I hate it there, I can't help feeling a little homesick. It's lonely out here, being a cucco in the outside world. I'm-I'm-I'm getting all lovey dovey. Enough. I must venture onward to the castle of Princess Zelda!   
  
As I hop towards my final destination I see a bridge. It goes into the market place. I must confess, I ENORMOUS fear of bridges.....Okay, it's been a while since I've come to the bridge. Okay, I'm gonna do it. I'm walking to the bridge. I've stepped on the first spindily plank. I can hear the pitter patter of my feet on wood and I'M SCARED!!!! I can't do it! Oh woe is me, woe is me! Hey ya know what? I'm hungry. I kinda want Chinese. I remember once I ate Malon's fourtoune cookie. Heh, heh. You shoulda seen the look on her face when I gobbled it up. Heehee. I remember that's when I realised that I was destined for a greater life! When I got that fortune, it said, "The courage to be great lies deep within each of us." That's it! I have the courage to walk this bridge! I've got the power!!!!! Yeah Baby!!!! Yeah!  
  
Hmmm, it isn't that bad in this market place. These people dancing and all smoochy faced need to get a room, I mean, how rude is that? I don't go kissing every pretty cucco I see in the middle of the road. People...they are so strange. Hey look at that little girl, all dressed in yellow, oh my, she's crying.  
  
"Hey little girl. What's wrong?" I ask, though I know all she hear is "Cluck, cluck." My, she doesn't look too sad anymore, my she looks kind of evil. Stay back! My she is chasing me! Ahh! Oh help me! Pant-pant. I need to work on my cardio fitness. Why wont she leave my alone! She is chasing me...I think I am going to cry. Hic...I cant take this abuse....hic....sob...snifle...WAHHHHHH!  
  
Okay I know that this is not really THAT funny but my little helpers on this project have gone missing and I have no inspiration. As you can see, I have been trying to establish a plot but your not really supposed to have author's notes so I'll stop now. 


End file.
